Old Man & the Grouch

I have only alluded to this before here in this Blog, but a couple of days ago I found on my computer a photo I took at the beginning of last year of a page in a book, and it got me thinking about what happened to my wife Karen and I, and what God did with me after that.

In mid 2009 I lost my darling wife Karen to cancer. My heart completely broke, and a deep numbness set in.

Everything for me went grey. Nothing had colour any more. All I could see was brokenness, mess, disorder, chaos. Dried grey leaves everywhere.

He said to me, see the beauty in the chaos.

There is hell all around us, tragedy, heartbreak, pain, anguish, horror, greed, war, collapse, fear. I know about those. But if you look for it there is beauty in amongst it too. Everywhere. Comfort, encouragement, love, reunion, tears of joy, companionship, colour, pattern, light. He is amongst us holding our hands. Despite things not working out, not coming together, not falling into place, not going well. Despite all that. Immanuel. There is beauty in the chaos. If you look for it you can find it.

And gradually the sun started to come back out.

It blows me away to think that God knew all this would happen. Not only that, but He planned ahead to make sure I would survive the experience. Did He plan FOR it to happen? I don’t know. Personally, I don’t think so. But He did KNOW it would happen – He knows everything after all – before, during and after. I think a lot of things He hasn’t planned to happen, but He knows they will happen, so He plans ahead to see us through them and work good out of it. He has planned ahead for me. What your personal belief and take on that is, is up to you. Me: it blows me away.

And from there I am reminded how God planned ahead for Karen. He planned ahead for her from before she was born. He planned ahead for all the life she would bring to those around her. He planned ahead for her for after her tough years, He planned ahead for her for after she got sick, He planned ahead for her for our “chance” meeting that day, He planned ahead for her for love and life and joy with me, He planned ahead for her for when her earthly strength waned, He planned ahead for her for after she left here holding hands with Him and continued the life He’d planned ahead for her for after that. The life she’s living now. He planned ahead for that.

I think of her holding His hand every day. Laughing, running, talking, dancing, thinking, discovering, loving, enjoying, singing, learning, creating, BEing. And that means everything to me.

It’s all going to be ok. It’s all in the plan.

The Old Man.

What’s Playing: Sheryl Crow – Every Day Is A Winding Road

What is this life if, full of care
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass,
No time to see, in broad day light,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at beauty’s glance
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

W. H. Davies

1911

It’s been a long silence, and if you’ve been faithfully coming back here looking for an update, thank you for your patience.

A lot’s been going on these last three weeks. Happy things, sad things, fun things, hard things. Visitors from out of town. A tough anniversary. A computer failure. Looking for a job. New friends.

All those things bring interruption. Needless to say, bicycles have been ridden, cameras have been fiddled with and their shutter releases pressed, and caffeine* has been consumed. Life has gone on. Just haven’t got far beyond that.

But The Grouch and I are far from finished in the things we want to share here, so keep coming back!

Thanks.

The Old Man

What’s Playing: Sheryl Crow – Run, Baby, Run.